Eulogy

Delivered at Ted's memorial on Wednesday Oct 29, 2014

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Thank you all so much for being here. I had no doubt the outpouring of love and support today would be so huge. Teddy was a beacon of light and love to every single person he touched, even indirectly.

I’ve known Ted and his family for 18 years. But Ted and I really met on Jan. 26, 2013 at a fundraiser celebration for his sister Berkley’s late daughter Jane. It’s said love finds you when you aren’t looking for it, and that’s exactly what happened for us.

The love that we have together is indefinable. We use the word “love” to describe so many things that its true depth can be tarnished. It’s different than the love we felt for say – our animals, or our favorite vacation destination, sushi, bacon or mayonnaise. The closest words Ted and I had was “soul mates.”

We both truly believe that our souls have traveled together for many lives. Last Thursday night, Ted and I watched Robin Williams in “What Dreams May Come.” For those who haven’t seen it, it’s about a man’s journey through Earth, heaven and hell to reconnect with his soul mate. Ted wept deeply as we watched it and asked me if I thought we’d been life partners in a previous life. I told him I felt that we’d traveled together for many lifetimes and realms but that this was finally the chance we had to be together forever. He agreed.

I guess our time together was just a preview. A preview that I am so lucky to have had but also beyond the depths devastation to be physically over. I have SO much more love to give Teddy. I had barely started.

Some of Ted’s family and close friends informed that that Ted was planning to propose in the coming weeks. I knew it was about to happen – we’d talked about our wedding and future plans every day. I thought maybe it would happen on his birthday, a week from today.

We dreamt of celebrating our love with hundreds of friends and family somewhere that displayed nature’s spirit in a beautiful and sublime way. We wanted to have purple flowers. We wanted to honor little Jane, his niece, for bringing us together. He wanted String Cheese, the Motet, N8tron and the Drunken Hearts to play on multiple stages.

We wanted the love that filled the space to be unlike anything anyone had ever witnessed, because that’s truly how our love is. And we wanted to write our own vows. I’ve thought about those vows since just weeks after we began dating. And now, while a wedding, a ring and all of those “things” seem so inconsequential, my love and my vows to him remain. This is what I promise because of who he is and what we were together.

Teddy, my heart:

I vow to shower you in the everlasting embrace of my love forever. No ‘till death do us part.’ This is only the beginning.

I vow to look at situations, people, and happenstance not just at face value with silver linings but with a deep introspection for the love, the good and the lesson within.

I vow to always believe you are with me as an angel because you were nothing short of that here on Earth.

I vow to be grateful for something everyday, no matter how hopeless I feel at times not having you there to do it with me.

I vow to take care of my body and mind – just like you did up until your last breath.

I vow to cherish the memory of your enrapturing spirit, your brilliant mind, your teachings, and your gorgeous, beautiful and perfect body.

I vow to create something that will allow your legacy to live on, so you can still shine your bright light, your hope, and your pure, pure innocent love out to others – just like you spoke of doing for the family we wanted to create.

And I vow to not give up on loving again, only because I  know you wouldn’t want me to. And because on the Sunday before you left us, you told me if you ever died, you would return as my child. I was so upset at the time for you bringing up something so devastating. But now, I see that as a glimmer of hope that I’ll see you again while I’m on this Earth. This time.




When Ted and I attended Burning Man last August, we watched Andrew Horn give a TedX Talk entitled “Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late.” Andrew spoke of the term “eulogy” which translated from Greek to “good words.” He spoke about how our culture has assigned a eulogy to accompany a death, when actually those “good words” should be constant throughout life.

Teddy was very generous with the amount of “good words” he gave out. As our friend Dave Nelson told me this week: “You’d have to be a real asshole for Ted not to love you.” I’m also very confident that Ted knows the love he shared was reflected right back to him intensely. He heard it. He hears it.

Ted often said that glitter is like energy. It cannot be destroyed, only changed from one form to another. Ted’s love is like glitter: sparkling magic that will never disappear. Also, we’re blessed that some of Ted’s physical body lives on too. We were notified that his tissue went on to help 50 people. That’s so Ted.

I stand here before you mainly speaking of Ted’s love. And I’ve now learned that as powerful as love is, grief is its equal. Many of us have never met, or only in passing, but we are now the container for Ted’s memory. We can all lead bigger lives to carry on his spirit.

You are all the stardust of what remains of my shining star, Ted.

Thank you.