November 1, 2014
Somehow I've had the courage the past few days to muster the strength to stay busy and to stay surrounded by your friends and family. Last night, I put on my favorite fuzzy hat of yours (a bear!) and dressed up for Halloween. I went to The Motet show, who we wanted to play at our wedding. While their dedication of their set to you and the solace of all of love and hugs imaginable was truly moving, nothing can compare to the huge vast hole of your absence.
The pain grows intensely. It's like there is a miner stationed near my heart. Constantly digging, and tossing away all plans, our future, all the love we still had to make. Every morning we still had to wake up together, our family we were to build, so many laughs I'll never have. My desperation for you is unfathomable, my love.
I can't believe it's been a week. A week since your heart stopped in my own fucking arms and I couldn't bring you back. A week from the horror of sirens and ambulances and holding your body for hours on a gurney after your spirit had gone. And over a week since I woke up to your beautiful cheer, your positive light that you had for every morning, every new day and moment we got to create together: our little sculpture to mold.
No comments:
Post a Comment